Tampilkan postingan dengan label she's not a natural athlete. Tampilkan semua postingan
Tampilkan postingan dengan label she's not a natural athlete. Tampilkan semua postingan

Selasa, 27 September 2011

that little book thing

A long, long time ago, when Green Girl had only two sons, she began to write a book. Her intention was to write something marketable so she could attract an agent and a publisher. The germ of the idea came out of all the home parties people invited her to attend. Candles, cosmetics, jewelry, hair extensions, knick-knacks, kitchen goods--the entire spectrum of shopping presented in living rooms across America. Fodder for funny in her view of things, so she cooked up a little tale about a gal who works at Wisconsin Public Radio and decides to start selling kitchen tools on the side. Green Girl modeled her fictitious company after Pampered Chef and named it "Coddled Cuisine." She threw in a love interest and decided it wasn't half bad.

In the summer of 2004 Green Girl trekked that manuscript to the University of Iowa's Summer Writing Festival. While there, she made new friends and a year later co-founded/joined the Screw Iowa Writers Workshop. Marni, Mariana, Lauren and Nina
helped Green Girl polish her manuscript and she then mailed it off to approximately 86 literary agents. The process was slow and sluggish and demoralizing. On her 86th try, Green Girl signed with Mitchell S. Waters who advised her on revisions and then shopped around her book.

The short version of this part of the story: nobody wanted to publish her book. Back it went onto the back burner and Green Girl worked on other projects.

A year ago she submitted it to Cornerstone Press on a whim, believing it had appeal to a smaller audience via a regional press. They told her, "Thanks, but no thanks." Then, over the summer, the press contacted her and asked to see the book again. You know the rest of the story so far--they'll publish Whipped, Not Beaten within the year, giving Green Girl the satisfaction of achieving a publishing goal (just in the nick of time--she's two score exactly this year).

Julia asked an interesting question:
Super news about your book! That's very cool to hear. Do you know already if it will come out in a Kindle format? And if it does, is that a good or bad thing from a writer's point of view?

Green Girl doesn't believe Cornerstone does Kindle...yet. She thinks her book might be made available in that format down the line. As a writer, Green Girl is a realist. Most of her book club reads their fiction on Nooks or Kindles. E-readers will continue to grow in popularity. It's a medium for getting books to readers and while she's got a strong preference for paper copies of books, she understands that readers use both methods. She feels the best bet for any author is to offer their work in both hard copy and electronic.

Green Girl thought she was the coolest thing since sliced bread now that she nailed a publishing contract. She had begun to cop a bit of a diva attitude--Excuse me, I'm going to be a published author so I don't think I should have to clean bathrooms or grocery shop anymore. Then she sliced her thigh last night while working on her sword form in karate. That's right, she stabbed herself. Tore a hole in her pants and gashed the top of her left thigh. (Yes, she's totally pissed at Mr. O who convinced her to start using her son's rusty metal sword instead of the lightweight, harmless foam sword she'd purchased for herself. She's fretting, trying to recall when she had her last tetanus shot.) A little public humiliation brought her back to earth, thanks to her clumsiness you won't find her wearing black turtlenecks and chain smoking clove cigarettes while waxing pretentiously about themes and character development and depth through metaphor. Nope, she's still the same geeky gal she always was, sporting a t-shirt, jeans and now a small flesh wound.


Rabu, 17 Agustus 2011

hitting the links, squashing the bugs

I spent an hour this morning reading a week's worth of blogs--catching up on birthdays, home improvement projects, camp kids, college kids, vacation news and garden talk. Like GOP candidates, I've been (wait for it...) to Iowa to visit Mr. D's hometown and display my inner tigress to a broader audience. I didn't discuss the economy much at all. I participated in a best shot tournament, generally a situation where I sit in the golf cart until I'm required to putt. Imagine my dismay when on the first hole both men on our team shanked the ball. I pulled out my driver and took a deep breath, prepared for public humiliation as I swung at my ball (a Calaway i(s) for those of you who care about these things). Well, I crushed that ball like a pro! In 18 holes my team only used 1 of my putts, but many of my drives and chips. I was a smashing success at Sunday's event. Seriously--I had the Longest Drive at a golf outing, people! Longest Drive! Well...technically I didn't win it because I teed off from the ladies' tee box, but the distance still totally counted.



Wouldn't it be great if I started dressing up Old School on the links?



Upon re-entry from my golfing getaway in Iowa, I identified the source of the funky smell in both my kitchen AND my garage. In both cases, the Stench of Rotting Death came from that tray beneath the fridge (what? don't you have a beer fridge in your garage?). Armed with bleach water and a spray bottle, we can breathe easy once more.



Beetles have infested my squash again this year. Even when I let a spot lie dormant for TWO YEARS, the darned things found my zucchini and pumpkins. I killed legions of beetles with my bare hands and dragged the vines beyond helping to the fire pit, but I fear all is lost. Next year I WILL have vengeance. And zucchini until first frost. Bet on it.



In 80 days I'll get my 2nd degree black belt. Seems like just yesterday I was sweating my way to my 1st degree. The flat gravel road my MIL lives on provided good training ground for my 3 mile run. No aches or pains to report, even my rolled ankle has healed satisfactorily.



Thus ends my report of the past week.



Spill it, reader. What have you squashed or smashed this week?





Sabtu, 06 Agustus 2011

tapping into my inner tigress

Mr. D and I went golfing last night with another couple. I haven't had my clubs out in over a year, but for a while I golfed every week in a women's league. I was awful. Perfectly dreadful. I putt beautifully thanks to many hours at Tom Thumb Mini Golf back when I was in high school, but my long game is wretched. (We're talking double digits on several holes, my score for nine holes rivaled other people's scores for eighteen.)

Then I went out with my MIL about a year ago and halfway through our play, I thought to hell with this crap started lining up my feet with one slightly forward, I dropped my shoulder and HEAVED the club forward at that golf ball like Happy Gilmore. You know what? My ball sailed into the air and flew straight ahead to the mark like a pro had hit it.

Apparently when I totally ignore all the stuff about lining up my knuckles, lining up my feet, bending slightly at the knees, keeping my arms straight, twisting my shoulders, keeping my head up, etc. and so forth to the tenth power? I can golf a fairly decent game.

I look like hell, feet splayed out, totally off-kilter in my stance, but it works!

Last night I golfed the same way, flushing all the tips and golf lessons out of my mind and just concentrating on hitting the ball however my body seemed naturally inclined. We were coming up on the ninth hole and for the first time in my life I felt ready to take on the back nine--just for the fun of it. I was actually golfing so well that I enjoyed myself.

Golf--fun? When I play by my own rules, it actually is. I only lost ONE ball, only landed in ONE sand trap, only shanked ONE time too far to the right. And my putting is still righteous.

I'm looking forward to next weekend when I get to play again.

Selasa, 18 Mei 2010

I didn't embellish any part of this post

Mr. B came home from school yesterday and began enthusiastically and determinedly digging a giant hole. Mr. G soon joined him, and then Mr. T got into the action. When they finally dropped their shovels last night, two kids could fit in the hole. I'll have to take a picture of their project when they're done. Apparently this dig was inspired by a dinosaur unit in 1st grade.

As a baseball widow (a shout out to Clemson Girl who has it worse than me--her husband coaches college), I'm running ragged getting Team Testosterone to karate classes, Boy Scouts, baseball and soccer. We ate on the go at our favorite greasy Chinese chopstick joint (as opposed to a "greasy spoon joint") and took our Chinese doughnuts (holy clogged arteries, Batman!) with us. I've got no business touching the doughnuts, I'm not in the dojo much lately. While driving home between karate classes and picking up Mr. T from Boy Scout CPR training, I saw a package of Thomas English Muffins along the side of the road. Curious.

About a half mile later I passed a 5 # sack of potatoes on the center line of the road. Curiouser.

A mile later I drove by the fresh carcass of a huge raccoon. Roadkill eating with two sides--it doesn't get much better, does it?

Then the boys didn't finish their Chinese Doughnuts because we have to work on our hole. I put the package on the kitchen counter and put away the groceries. Then I went out to help Mr. D (now home from last night's loss) work on batting practice with the boys. I chased down the balls the boys missed and piled them behind the "backstop" while he worked the pitching machine. An idyllic moment--Midwest family playing baseball on a grassy (and dandelion-y) back yard while the sun sets. Mr. B was at bat and Mr. D asked me to toss one of the balls back to him. I threw the ball--smack--right into Mr. B's right cheek. He began to cry, I felt like a total jerk, all the fun of the evening was ruined just like that because Mama can't throw a ball for crap. Fortunately I throw like a girl and he didn't even have a bruise on his face when he woke up this morning. I'm still not in the running for Mom of the Year, people.

This morning I discovered the torn remains of a sugar-and-grease-coated paper bag with granulated sugar scattered all over the countertop and floor. Guess who loooooves Chinese Doughnuts? Yep, Violet our Semi-Stray Cat.

For a girl who doesn't get out much, I sure saw a lot of strange stuff yesterday.

Sabtu, 12 September 2009

prepare the buckets

I didn't blanch at last night's 2 mile run. In fact, I finished fourth which is more a testament to my endurance than to my speed (anyone who knows me will vouch for the veracity of this statement).

I was positively jubilant when Mrs. H announced that the Bully of my Belt Rank is NOT a black belt candidate! And another candidate was also kicked off the team--so we were down 2 students before we even ran. The fact that the Bully isn't testing meant I got paired with J, a man both bigger and older than I, but we've been together since white belt so I trust him and despite the size disparity, we'll partner well for the next 2 months. I'm very relieved by this because if I'd been paired with the Bully, well, I'm pretty positive I'd end up at the doctor's office with a broken bone. Seriously.

We came back inside after running for 40 minutes.

I didn't think anything when assigned my permanent spot on the floor.

Then I noticed they had locked the doors and removed the clocks.

Disconcerting? Yes.

And then Mrs. H told Mr. O, "Get the buckets."

You see, I'd always thought the whole bucket thing was a rumor--surely no one worked out so hard that they puked.

Color me wrong. And pale. (No, I didn't puke--but knowing it happens so frequently that they set out buckets in advance chilled my blood.)

Two hours of strenuous training, interrupted by disciplinary push ups and sit ups and cardio when the younger kids testing messed up--which was often.

I totally understand their need to be harsh. The demand for perfection and knowledge. I didn't cry, complain, roll my eyes or quit. I did think, If I had gone through this before Mr. T, there's no way I'd have let him test. No way I'd let him endure this.

Punishing indeed.

Rehydrating and trying to get the cramps out of my calves before 1:30 this afternoon.

Minggu, 30 Agustus 2009

getting the lead out

* We're back from vacation and we only spent money on consumable things--mini golf, ice cream, bait, beer, pizza, pontoon rental.* We brought home some rocks, shells and photographs and I did every thing** I set out to do during the week.
From the sounds of your comments,

* Hoo boy did I read last week. I finished 7 books! A new record since I had kids!

* Team Testosterone teetered over the brink of eating junk food and having no structure or schedule. I'm reeling them in slow and steady, adhering to an early bedtime and early wake up, stuffing them full of broccoli and oranges, forcing them to do chores.

* Mr. D sometimes watches Sons of Anarchy--it's brutally violent. He switched it off mid-scene the other night because I think he got a little disturbed. I explained that the gun introduced in the scene
would go off. It was only a question of who would get shot. "It's a rule when writing," I told him. "You can't have a gun in a scene if it doesn't get used." (Thanks for teaching me that rule, Nina!) After considering this for a moment, he turned the TV back on and sure enough, the gun went off. Twice. Then Mr. D lay awake watching through the end.
"It's over now, right?" I asked.
"I just want to see the previews for the next episode."
"I'm guessing they'll ride motorcycles really fast, shoot guns and somebody gets beat up. Just a wild guess."



These bad guys like the get the lead out.

* After spending 2 hours rigorously laboring upstairs, Team Testosterone's rooms are put to order, I got rid of 3 boxes of crappe and found a long-overdue library book--a huge victory.

* Happyland PTA's playground project will be finished TODAY! It's all over but the shouting--of children playing on the new equipment, that is.

* Last night's 3 mile run wasn't pretty. I slogged it out, but a week of sitting on my arse definitely caught up with me. My feet felt leaden. The first mile was great, the second had me sucking wind, the third had me whimpering for mercy. Feel free to create any life metaphor from this--dating, childbirth, new job...

* The backpacks are packed for Tuesday and I have to wonder why my 1st grader needs 10 glue sticks, 3 boxes of crayons, 3 boxes of magic markers and 24 no. 2 pencils. His older brother only needs 20 pencils in 5th grade and one imagines he'd have more use for all that lead than Mr. B...


Will Mr. B get this much lead out in 1st grade?

* And speaking of school supplies, I have NO idea how we came to have a dozen packages of looseleaf paper.

* Am I the only woman with champagne chilling for that first day of school? I have grand plans for my 2 hours and 40 minutes of free time every afternoon when Mr. G is at pre-K.

* Of course, if it's 80 degrees, I plan to float in the pool ALONE all afternoon.



*Hope, that pontoon image is just for you--your comment cracked me up.
** Including waxing Mr. D in cribbage. More than once, thankyouverymuch.

Minggu, 23 Agustus 2009

grand plans & a golf story

I feel terrible posting when I'm not keeping up with reading everyone else's blogs--it feels so narcissitic and rude. So whilst on vacation this week (at a lake house with high speed internet!) I'm going to catch up with reading what all my bloggy friends have posted in the last week. And I'm going to read a couple books, newspapers and magazines. I'm going to fish, swim, kayak and canoe. I'll play miniature golf, eat ice cream and wax Mr. D in cribbage. Team Testosterone and I have grand plans to catch our dinner and play catch with a football. The Momvan is packed to the gills with junk food and towels, beach toys and fishing gear. I've remembered matches, flashlights, rain ponchos and bug spray. Our glorious neighbors have agreed to split garden/pool/cat/mail duty and we'll enjoy the last full week of summer far away from Normal Life.

I hope Mother Nature cooperates--she's been kind of bitchy this summer, what with the 50 degree nights in July and August and the constant wind. Mr. D and I went golfing with friends Friday night and I lost feeling in my nose, ears and three fingers it was so darn cold! I kept looking for Jack O'Lanterns because it sure felt like the tail end of October, not mid-August.

Shall we segue to my fantastic golf story?

Despite the frigid course conditions, I played one hole I have to brag to you about. There's this island hole on the golf course--you have to tee off a distance back and hit over a moat just so to reach the green. A 170 yard par 3 hole, assuming you make your first shot and take 2 putts or a chip and putt. I casually slid an older ball out of my bag when we reached the hole--I'm notorious for drowning my balls on this hole and didn't want to drown one of my pretty pink ribbon balls. And what do you know? I cleared the moat and landed a sweet 2 putts away from the hole!

But the icing on the cake was Mr. D sinking his drive in the moat and then sinking his second shot as well. That's the kind of thing that only happens in my golf fantasies--never in Real Life.