And Then This Happened...

Have you ever had something happen to you that you just didn't even want to tell the truth about because it's so unbelievably dumb?  Sometimes I swear my life is a comedy of errors that I get to wear around.  This weekend was no different.
It all started off so innocently.  I was watching one of my guilty pleasures (The Dead Files) on Friday night, and I fell asleep with my glasses still on.  According to the King, Tucker, the fuzzy cat and I were fast asleep and just before midnight the Tucker let out an unholy screech, jumped up from a dead sleep, landed on my face, smashing my glasses into my eye and chaos ensued.
I sat up, not exactly realizing what had happened yet, other than my face/nose was hurting.  Then I realized there was blood, a lot of it.  After running to the bathroom and accessing the damage I came to a few conclusions.

• My cat is a fuzzy jerk, who has nightmares.
• Face wounds bleed like you've been mauled by a bear.
• Makeup ain't gonna cover that.
• Blood doesn't come out of white duvets.
• Wearing glasses to bed is both a good and a bad thing.

The next day, I had planned to do some ice skating, meet some new friends, etc.  Which worked out, we all giggled and decided that I took a hockey puck to the eye.  While walking around later with the King, we ran into a police officer we knew and of course they decided I had been assaulted, but I had it coming.  Sunday, as the eye was looking worse, we had another couple over to pick up some wood and mercifully, the wife thought it was a car accident.  The husband however... He was impressed that I didn't need to be told twice to do something (if you've heard that joke).

Accidental cat mauling just sounds lame...

The King thinks I should use the story of a bear attack - and we're eating the bear next week (rawr! I ripped it's throat out with my bare hands).  A few others have insisted roller derby was the way to go.  Either way you look at it, having a cat frightened by a nightmare land on your face while you're sleeping doesn't make for a good tale to tell.

Having a cat land on your face, and do some damage is a joke in itself - somewhere.  Being abused, living with abuse, or knowing someone who is in an abusive relationship is not.  Hotline advocates are available for victims and anyone calling on their behalf to provide crisis intervention, safety planning, information and referrals to agencies in all 50 states, Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands. Assistance is available in English and Spanish with access to more than 170 languages through interpreter services.  If you, or someone you know is in need, please make that call.  You could be saving a life, maybe your own.  1-800-799-SAFE

Posted in: Humor, life