don't & won't

I realized the other day that while I don't ever buy the following items, they always seem to be on hand when I need them: screwdrivers, paper clips and rubber bands.

TV shows I won't watch a single episode of include: American Idol, Dancing with the Stars, Bachelor/ette, Amazing Race, Survivor, Biggest Loser, really any reality TV show with the sole exception of The Apprentice which is now super-stupid, Lost, Brothers & Sisters, Grey's Anatomy, Today Show, Dr. Phil, Good Morning America, and whatever the show is with that annoying Howie Mandel. Additionally, we never watch hockey, tennis, bowling, soccer, car racing, the NBA, music awards shows, MTV, VH1, QVC, E!, WE, CMN, CNN, Oxygen, Lifetime or Cartoon Network at our house. Ever.For a RACE, they sure drive in circles for a long time.

I miss Mrs. G and Derfwad Manor--I'm anxious for her return. The blogosphere seem a bit emptier since she's been gone. I don't like it one bit.

We don't celebrate Valentine's Day at our house. The boys bring cards to their classroooms at school and I dutifully sign a couple of cards for grandparents. That's it.

Mr. D won't bring me flowers...and I won't buy him a satin thong.

I don't get the appeal of Vince Vaughn. He reminds me of the super-cocky cool guys in college and high school--the ones that were adored for no real reason other than being tall. The perception that they were somehow superior was based on nothing much. Mind you, I've never met Vince Vaughn, but this is the vibe I get. I don't find him interesting, sexy or particularly funny.

Ummmm...no, thanks.

I tried once to watch John & Kate Plus 8 and got bored after 5 minutes. I know people who adore this show. I don't get it. I'd rather watch reruns of Seinfeld or Malcolm in the Middle.

I don't understand my who wanted to go on Wife Swap so that her family would stop taking her for granted. I don't understand how setting your entire family up for humiliation on national television solves any problems. Seems it would be easier to just stop doing favors or take a part time job. Besides, from what I can tell, the folks on Wife Swap go back home feeling more validated about who they are anyway. What does that solve?

I don't drink soda, buy white bread, eat scrambled eggs (except in an omlette), wear perfume, use nail polish, or need glasses. I won't smoke, drink brandy or rum, order white rice or veal, apply Miracle Gro to my gardens, want jewelry for a present or drive an SUV.

I won't support the NRA--in fact, I wish they'd go away. This said, Mr. D owns guns for hunting.

The Second Amendment is sorely misinterpreted anymore.

What won't you or don't you do?

Posted in: meaningless fritter