How do I pee?

Bag: Baby Ruche in Blue Turqoise

Top: Vintage, Dear Golden Vintage

Dress: Lamixx (it's a skirt I wear as a strapless maxi dress)

Boy's mom is in town. That means lots of wedding planning this weekend! And by wedding planning, I mean lots of nodding my head and agreeing while I stuff my face with home-cooked Indian food.

Last night, Aparna, Momzie (to differentiate from my Mom) and I sat down and talked wedding.

The following were my responses:

1. "Oh, I'm wearing yellow instead?", "Pretty!", "Loves!"
2. "India!",  "Italiano!",  "Vietnamese!",  "Chinese!",  "Buffet!!!"
3. "Oh yeah. Group rates for hotels." 
4. "I want a helmet of jewelry, pleaseTHANK!"
5. "I want sleeves! Can we do sleeves?"
6. "Can I leave my fingertips blank?"
7. "Just the pointer and thumb."
8. "How else do I take out my contacts?"
9. "How do I pee?"
10. "Will it stain my sheets?"
11. "Yes! Cake tasting!"
12. "Dilly Dally Dally Krisha!"




The following are explanations:

1. My Mehndi/Sangeet outfit will be yellow/pink instead of blue.  Equally as pretty!
2. Referring to all the catering we'll have for the 3-day event.
3. My only duty for the entire wedding planning.
4. Referring to the amount of jewelry I want to wear at the ceremony.
5-10. Referring to mehndi. This was obviously my biggest concern. While I will not be allowed to use bridal henna as a way to live out my desire for a sleeve of tattoos, we agreed it will go midway up my forearm. I have to keep the henna on all night, which means I probably will need someone to take out my contacts...and help me potty. Yes, it will stain my sheets.
11. We don't want a big wedding cake, rather an assortment of our favorite desserts. But cake tastings are still in order.
12. I can't sing in Hindi (or any other language besides English, forthatmatter), so I just make up my own lyrics to the tune of Bollywood songs when I need to convey my excitement in song. To make things more legit, I tag a Hindu god at the end of a line.

It's a crowd pleaser.

Read More

Plastic is Even Worse than Platinum

A few months ago, I counted down the best and worst wedding reality shows. However, there is a new winner in the worst category: Bridalplasty.

Remember that show a few years ago, The Swan? They chose women who were physically unattractive and emotionally insecure to get extreme "holistic" makeovers (i.e. total body plastic surgery, cosmetic dentistry, and therapy).

Once the participants felt good about themselves -- often for the first time in their lives, they had to compete in a beauty pageant against other former "ugly ducklings."

Yep, pretty screwed up.

The Swan Pageant

Believe it or not, Bridalplasty was worse than that. It's like The Swan, Bridezillas, Platinum Weddings, Survivor, and The Bachelor all rolled up into one ball of moral bankruptcy.  I've watched this show like a train wreck for a few months, and the only good thing about it is that it's finally over.

Bridalplasty, hosted by a former Miss USA, featured 12 women on a quest to become the "perfect" bride. Each week, the women participated in a wedding-related challenge involving their vows, their dress, sex, honesty with their fiancé, compatibility with their mother-in-law, or some other matrimonial issues. At the end of the challenge, three bottom brides would be at risk of leaving the show.  The elimination ceremony consisted of the remaining brides RSVPing to the wedding of the bottom bride who they would like to see remain. The bride with the least RSVPs would leave.

Along the way, brides would add items to their bridal closet. The top designers and headliners in the industry would come in and wow the women with cakes, jewelry, flowers, and dresses that would make even the most platinum of brides drool. At the end of the show, the winner would get to keep all of the items in her bridal closet and have her dream wedding.

Not so bad, but there's a twist. The brides were also trying to check items off of their plastic surgery "wish list."

In fact, the winner of each challenge was immediately whisked away to get one item of choice checked off (most women started with nose jobs and breast implants).  The winner of the show received all of the plastic surgery procedures on her list before the big day.

I'm not against cosmetic surgery, but the whole perception of needing it to be a "perfect bride" is just disgusting. In fact, the women were all beautiful before the competition started!  The sight of these gorgeous women fawning over contestants who came back to the mansion covered in bandages and drugged was sick. More than once, a runner-up cried, "Wow! That should've been me in the recovery room!"

No, this isn't after the surgeries: the "before" picture.

In fact, one contestant got kicked off because the other brides thought that she "just" wanted the wedding and the items on her plastic surgery wish list (nose job, breast implants, teeth whitening, botox, and filler for her upper lip) were too minor. Her back story? She and her fiancé had a quickie wedding so that her mother, who was diagnosed with cancer, could be there.

Another contestant, who ultimately won, was criticized for being negative and bitter. Her back story? She and her fiancé had already planned and canceled two weddings when they successively lost their jobs. They went from a big wedding and a secure future to barely being able to pay their electricity bills. I wouldn't exactly be Suzy Sunshine in that situation either.

Perfect bride?

The whole show glorified superficiality. Even the line that was said when the brides got kicked off was ridiculous, "Your wedding will still go on. It just won't be perfect."

Let's sum this up. Being the perfect bride means: 1) not being allowed to see my fiancé or my mother in the four months leading up to my wedding, 2) making critical detail decisions not with bridesmaids or friends, but with a planner who I just met, 3) living with and competing against whiny, back-stabbing bridezillas, and 4) going under the knife multiple times.

I spent the last four months before my wedding planning with Lu, having parties with friends and family, and finishing counseling with people who I respected.... I'm so glad I wasn't the perfect bride.

Read More

Wedding Inspiration: Part 1

Photo credits: Mendhi Cupcakes, Cake Topper, Laterns , Tea Tin Center Piece

Our wedding will be a fusion of our cultures, mine being Vietnamese and The Boy's being Indian - the two just mesh together so perfectly with all the reds, golds, and silks.

I'm getting super giddy about wedding planning now. The Boy is not as giddy --I'm not even sure he's feeling a smidgen of giddiness. This is probably a good time for me to start making more female friends...

It's OK though, I have YOU to share all my excitement and ideas with, right?? :)

Read More

Recap: What a Wedding Morning!

Ahh, my wedding day... over four weeks ago?! Wow. It's definitely time to give you a play-by-play update about the big day.

We've got photos, videos, and lots of exciting stuff to share; but for this post, let's stick to the morning of the wedding.

The most important lesson: Anything and everything can happen on your wedding day. Try to schedule as little as possible because there are some things that you just can't plan for... at all!

I woke up in our soon-to-be honeymoon suite at 7:00 am, after getting about 4 hours of sleep. Actually, I woke up at about 6:30 completely full of energy. My hair appointment wasn't until 10:00 pm, and I wasn't scheduled to meet my sister until 9:30. I stayed in bed willing myself to go back to sleep, but I gave up.

Ms. L and Ms. N (who slept over along with Ms. M, Ms. P, and Ms. S) had to get going at 8:00 am, so I figured I'd slip in the shower and get ready before they woke up.

This is when things started going downhill.

I ended up dropping my retainer down the hotel sink. I've had these retainers for over a decade with no incident, so this was the last thing I expected. I called in the maintenance man, who had to take apart the sink to rescue my retainers.

By this point everyone was awake, and Ms. N and Ms. L were actually running late. Since I had over an hour to spare, I volunteered to take Ms. N to her hair appointment. I'd come back, eat the fruit and yogurt I'd put in the refrigerator, then go to meet my sister.

However, after driving for about a minute, my check engine light came on. I'd gotten an oil change and my car checked right before I left Michigan, and there were no problems. In fact, the one and only time my check engine light had come on in the past, I drove about two miles before my car ended up sputtering to a stop at a service station.

Sooo... I freaked out, but Ms. N was able to keep me (mostly) calm and helped guide me to a metro station. I dropped her off, and she left assuring me that everything would be okay with my car and her hair appointment. Love that girl!

Then I headed to the Atrium -- Lu and I had planned to leave the reception in my car -- to meet my sister. I told her about my car, and after some debate, we agreed to leave the car there. At this point I also ran into Johann who was setting up everything beautifully for that night... more on that in upcoming posts!

My sister and I headed to my hair appointment, and the beautician told us that she'd be done in an hour. Knowing my deceptively thick and difficult hair, I told my sister to expect it to take at least two hours. The style ended up taking nearly three hours to do -- my hand-molded waves were gorgeous! Ms. S forbade me from saying "finger waves"... even though that's what they are. :-)

With over three hours until the ceremony, my sister and I debated about what to do. We ended up grabbing fast food, and then calling local mechanics. She wanted me to wait until the next day to deal with my car, but I was worried about service stations being open on a Sunday. Besides, I was determined that Lu and I would fully enjoy our honeymoon.

Sure enough, most places were closed the next day; and the one place that was open couldn't promise that it'd be able to get parts if something major was wrong. So we headed back to the Atrium, picked up my car, and dropped it off at the mechanic. Yes, two hours before my wedding ceremony, I was at a mechanic.

Had I planned that? Not at all!... Just like I hadn't planned having my hotel sink taken apart, a three-hour hair appointment, or skipping breakfast and scarfing down Bojangles for lunch. But I'd left enough spare time in my schedule for unexpected emergencies, so I was surprisingly calm.

Besides, with my car as taken care of as possible, I had more important things to worry about... like getting married!

Read More

One Week Away: What's On My Mind?

In one word: Weather!

At this point, pretty much everything else is taken care of for the wedding. We have to pick up a few gifts from Things Remembered, finish printing our programs, finish putting together a scrapbook, and I have to finish editing my letter of devotion to Lu. I love the word "finish." It lets me know just how close we are to the big day!

Then, of course, I have the week of duties: packing my bags for home, getting an oil change for my car, and all of the beauty stuff (manicure, pedicure, waxing multiple body parts, etc.) However, everything is pretty much minor.

However, bad weather can ruin a perfect day, which is why I'm glad that I didn't follow my childhood dream of having an outdoor wedding. If I'd continued in that direction, then I'd probably be a nervous wreck right now. With an outdoor wedding, you have to worry about so much more than rain or shine the day of the wedding, you have to consider heat, humidity, bugs, mud, hot, cold, etc. So many variables!

Although you can get some pretty cool, unique pictures in the rain!

For example, Mrs. R decided to have an evening wedding in Florida in July. Very risky. However, she had a perfect day: it rained about two hours before the ceremony (which in some cultures is a sign of fertility), which was just enough to cool off the temperature a bit and enjoy the night.

Another friend got married in February in Maryland. Cold, but tolerable -- in an average year. This year, there were back to back blizzards. Imagine half of your vendors being snowed in less than a week before the big day!

The most risky thing about October is peripheral rain from late-season hurricanes. The only time the weather will affect us is during our getaway, and right now with a sunny high of 66, low of 48, and 0% chance of precipitation, I'd say that we'll have a beautiful time on a gorgeous fall day!

This could change at any point between now and next week, but as long as it's not extremely cold the day of the wedding, then we'll be comfortable.

Read More

Hardest Puzzle I've Ever Put Together

Now that Lu and I have figured out almost all of the details of the wedding, we only have a few more tasks left. One of these is more complicated than I expected: the seating chart.

On the surface, it's pretty easy. Most guests fall under a certain "heading": parents and grandparents, bridal party, extended family, church family, friends from college, friends from grad school, etc.

However, not all of these groups break into neat tables of 8 and 9 (the number of seats at each table). Then on top of that, there's the additional complication of how the room is set-up.

Should we put our friends closest to the dance floor? Should our elderly guests sit in front of or behind our extended family? Should guests with wheelchairs or canes be more comfortable on the aisle or away from one? Should the older kids sit with their parents or get a table of their own? What do we do with our parents' friends?

Then after we get that finished, we have to think of a way to display it all. Since we're not doing place cards, I'm in favor of a really pretty chart arranged by last name. It's another way to bring in our colors without stressing the hostesses out with passing out escort cards.

However, you do have to put in time to create something nice like this:

Pretty, simple, organized. I like it!

We'll see how crafty I feel in the next few weeks.

Read More

Menu Card Switcharoo/I Love Vistaprint/Lu Valentine Trivia

Last week, Lu and I had to totally change our cake. Earlier this week, Lu and I had to change our catering! No worries -- the case isn't as extreme.

Since we're having more guests than we originally anticipated and had to switch up our floor plan, we've decided to have a buffet-style dinner instead of a plated dinner. We also changed around our menu choices -- instead of lamb chops and chicken marsala, we're now having grilled salmon and chicken san francisco.

This was a bonus for us in one area. Since a plated dinner costs more, we were able to apply our credit to hors d'oeuvres for our cocktail hour. However, it was a drawback in another because we have 200 menu cards that are totally useless now. In case you're not Ms. Etiquette, menu cards are only used for a plated dinner, not if you're having a buffet meal.

Luckily, we got our cards printed through Vistaprint, so we spent about $25 max (including taxes and shipping) on printing all of our cards.

I have to give a pitch for Vistaprint. This company is great! We've gotten 200 personalized menu cards (we used regular postcards and designed them ourselves with our menu), 200 advice/wish cards (folded business cards with our own design), 200 return address labels, 200 magnets, 20 sheets of stationary, 3 pens, a tote bag, and a lawn sign to direct people to the reception hall -- all for under $100.

Our advice/wish cards.

The trick to Vistaprint is that they're always having specials. Once you order one item, they send you emails for tons of free stuff. All you have to do is pay for shipping. Granted, they email you nearly everyday with their specials, but Vistaprint is definitely one company that I don't mind being spammed by!

Back to the menu cards: Lu and I loved our menu cards. They pulled in all of the wedding colors, and they added the right amount of "pop" to the tables when you stuck them inside the folded napkin.

They also did double duty. Even though Lu and I plan to be on schedule, we want a way to keep guests occupied in case they have to wait a little longer for us at the reception venue than anticipated. Although the cocktail hour will take up part of the time, guests still might get bored.

Menu cards are an easy way to add to the table and bring in your theme.

So when Lu and I had our menu cards printed, we put some trivia questions about us on the back of the cards. The plan was that the DJ could ask guests trivia questions about us to take up some time if needed. If we were on schedule, then we'd just have questions asked/answered at various intervals throughout the evening.

With the switch in dinner service, we've decided to reprint the cards with the trivia questions on the front and the answers on the back. This way, we'll still have the "look" of menu cards on the table without break any etiquette rules.... Of course, people are going to figure out that the answers are on the back of the card, but it'll still be a fun way to keep guests occupied and hopefully spark some conversation before and during dinner.

Read More

The Other Side: My Life > My Wedding

Here are three conversations I've had today:

Convo 1
Friend: Hey! How're you?


Me: Exhausted. I've had such a crazy day!


Friend: I completely understand. Things will calm down after the wedding.

Convo 2

Potential Research Advisor: We've got a lot of projects coming up. I think you'd be great to bring on board.


Me: Thanks! I've got a ton on my plate this year. Maybe we can touch base a few times a month and sit down around the middle of next semester to see if you still need me?


Potential Research Advisor: Sounds like a plan! No worries, I completely understand. Things will calm down after the wedding.

Convo 3

Mary Kay Consultant: You have such an outgoing personality. You're a natural salesperson!


Me: I worked in sales before and had a lot of fun, but I'm really not interested in going back into it.


Mary Kay Consultant: I completely understand. We can talk details when things calm down after the wedding!

This was JUST today!!!

I have more going on in my life than the wedding... a lot more.

To my friend: I'm actually running into a wall trying to schedule my prospectus defense. I also went to a meeting this morning about mentoring undergraduate research assistants for the year, moved into my new office, updated my website, arranged meetings and sold three things I posted on Craigslist, called my cheerleaders' mothers to put together a phone chain, and started writing thank you notes for my bridal shower. On top of that, I still have to do some editing and fold laundry.... The wedding was the least of my concerns, but thanks for asking.

To my potential advisor: I said I couldn't meet with you until next semester.... The wedding is 5 weeks away, the middle of next semester is 5 months away. You're smart. Do the math.

To the Mary Kay consultant: Your products are great. However, I've seen too many of my friends waste their time, money, and energy trying to sell Mary Kay. I'm not doing it. Period.

Undoubtedly, some people will be offended by my bluntness and take how I'm feeling the the wrong way. I'm prepared to deal with that. I have tried my best to be candid with you about every aspect of preparing of marriage, and this is something that I've been facing.

To be clear, it's not that I don't want people to ask me about the wedding. I'd love to chat about what's going on, answer questions, and fill you in on any updates. Weddings are fun, weddings are exciting, and they bring you back into contact with old friends and loved ones.

And it's certainly not that I'm unappreciative of your support. I'm grateful to my friends, family, and the random strangers that read my blog.  It has been amazing to document everything going on at this important stage of my life. The writing is therapeutic, the comments make me smile, the suggestions have been great, and I know that I will treasure this blog for years to come.

Just please don't assume that all of my worries and stress involve the wedding. I know that this blog does discuss the wedding and wedding preparation, but keep in mind that this is just one facet of the many sides of my life.

Before I was engaged, I had a full life. After the wedding, I'll still have a full life and have to also consider Lu's wants and needs.

All the stuff that's been pushed to the back burner because of wedding planning? Yeah, that's still there.

Settling in to our new lives? Yep, we'll have to deal with that.

My research, my mentoring, my friendships, my coaching, my editing, and not to mention cooking, cleaning, and taking care of my dog? These things were never put on pause!

I know that many of you come from a good place, but I'm still the same active, involved, busy Ashley now that I was before I was "Ashley the bride." Wedding or not, that won't change anytime soon.

With that being said, if you'd like me to start a blog about political science, coaching cheerleading, or being a free-lance editor after October 16, then that's always an option!

Read More

Great Cake News!!

WE'RE GOING WITH COTTON'S GOURMET!!!!!

I got an email from Gary (the director of hospitality at our reception venue) yesterday, and I just got off the phone with Cotton confirming our switch in bakers. :-)

The design consultation with Cotton was totally different than with our previous baker. At the first bakeshop, the consultation was really detailed. We talked about cake shape, cake flavors, what color cake we wanted, she wanted to see pictures of cake designs we were considering, she took pictures of the bouquet, and I even gave her fabric swatches of the dress. I was definitely confident that she'd make a great cake for us -- mostly because we pretty much designed the whole thing.

This time, things were different. We discussed the theme of the wedding, my dress, our flowers/boutonnieres, how much color we wanted on the cake, and any details that we liked. Cotton took notes, and is going to just go with it.

And you know what? My micro-managing, detail-oriented, "Can we please also document this conversation in an email?" self is totally fine with her taking the lead!

I'm a big fan of shows like Cake Boss, so I'm excited to get my own big reveal. With Mrs. Oliver, I think I would've have been more worried about the cake being "exactly the way we discussed." With Cotton, I'm looking forward to seeing what she puts together. I know it'll be colorful, I know it'll be vintage, and I think it'll have some feathers. We'll see!

Cotton is also going to do our Spelman/Morehouse/UMich groom's cake for the rehearsal dinner, so that will be like our "preview" of the next day.

Now the hard part, which flavors to choose?! (Yes, yes. Sweet potato will definitely be one!)

Read More

Cotton's Cake... Mmm-mmmm!

The wedding package that Lu and I booked through the Atrium came with a baker that we loved. In June, we did our cake tasting and were totally wowed by the choices and creativity. We checked another item off of our to do list and moved on.

.... Or so we thought. When we contacted our baker, Mrs. Oliver, to let her know that we'd be having closer to 165 guests, she told us that the cake that came with our package was for 100 people and that we'd be charged $200+ to add servings to our cake.

We told her that he hadn't been informed of that when we signed the contract. Sorry, but that was the agreement with the Atrium.

We asked about having a less elaborate cake that served more people. No.

We asked about having a two-tier cake instead. No.

Time out.

When we signed our contract, we were told that the cost for each additional guest over the 100 people that the package covered was $16. Apparently, this cost was just for catering -- not for the cake. But since every guest wants a piece of wedding cake (even if they don't eat the whole thing), we contacted Gary and let him know the situation.

We asked what he could do about this unexpected expense. If nothing, then we suggested that he raise the package price to an extra $20/guest for future brides. (When you're signing a contract for $11,500, an extra $200 is nothing. When you're eight weeks away from the date, every penny counts!)

Gary immediately apologized and recommended another baker, Cotton's Gourmet, and promised that her cakes were delicious. Within 20 minutes of receiving the email response from Gary, I got a call from Cotton.

Cotton was professional and courteous, and she had that "old friend" quality about her. We talked about the wedding, we talked about flavors, and she insured us that she could do a cake for 165 people plus an anniversary cake for us. I was so happy about Cotton that we set up a tasting for the following weekend.

Then I went home, looked at her website... and fell in love. Not only were her cakes beautiful and unique (no cookie-cutter, one-size-fits-all design), but her flavors sounded amazing: sweet potato poundcake, caramel apple, chocolate, hazelnut, pina colada, peachy keen, almond poppyseed -- and the list goes on. We were so excited to meet Cotton and have our tasting.

One of Cotton's fall-themed cakes with a coordinating anniversary cake. How cute is that?!

One problem: By this point, our initial baker had decided that she could do the cake for 160 people at no extra charge after all.  Gary told us that he would prefer it if we stuck with Mrs. Oliver since she'd decided to be accommodating, even if it was belated, but he would definitely just swallow any cancellation fees if we went with Cotton.

Gary's been great, so we didn't want to saddle him with an extra fee. We also definitely enjoyed our initial tasting with Mrs. Oliver, and we'd already had our menu cards printed. It just made more sense to stick with her and maybe just use one of Cotton's cakes for our rehearsal dinner the night before.

That is, until we had our tasting.

Lu and I changed our mind almost immediately after taking the first bite of Cotton's sweet potato poundcake. We literally devoured four cupcakes in five minutes -- including one flavor called Wacky Tacky Watermelon. (Who would've thought a watermelon cake would be so good?!)

The carrot cake was amazing, the strawberries and cream was delicious, and the sweet potato poundcake was quite possibly the best cake that I've ever had in my life. And trust me, I've had a whole lot of cake!

We were so impressed with Cotton's cake and her attitude -- so accommodating and down-to-earth -- that we called her back to thank her again for how delicious everything was, and we decided that we wanted her to do our wedding cake.

But we found out that Gary had already sent a check for our wedding cake to Mrs. Oliver. :-(

We're hoping -- more like praying really hard -- that the check can be applied to another Atrium client's bill, and that Cotton will be the baker for our wedding. She's absolutely amazing as both a baker and as a person.

Who cares if we have to get our menu cards reprinted?! We just have to share her dessert with as many people as possible.

Read More

Busy Days Ahead!

This is going to be a short post because I'm about to begin a(nother) very busy week/weekend. I'm actually writing this in Chick-fil-a in Maryland on the go. Gotta love Chick-fil-a!!

Hopefully, I can check in with some updates. If not, this is what my schedule looks like:

-- Today: Get our marriage license!!!
-- Tomorrow: Conference
-- Friday: Conference & Jeremy comes to DC
-- Saturday: Cake Tasting, Dinner with Pastor & Assigned Mentor Couple
-- Sunday: Church and Bridal Shower
-- Monday: Catch up on all the work that I'll undoubtedly be behind on doing, and head back to Michigan!

I'll update you when I can. Pray that I keep my patience, schedule, and sanity. :-)

Read More

Oh, Yeah... The Legal Stuff... Hmmmm

Over the course of the last 4 1/2 months that I've been blogging, I've told you about pre-engagement, counseling, our family and friends, wedding planning, our honeymoon, and probably more than you wanted to know about my thoughts and feelings during this time in my life.

Bottom Line: Marriage is a big deal, and Lu and I don't take it lightly.

But there is one detail that we'd kinda, almost forgotten about: our marriage license.

You know? That little piece of paper that verifies that all of this wedding business is legit?

Lu and I always assumed that on our next trip to Maryland over Labor Day, we'd go in and get our license. In and out, no sweat. Since we're going in a few weeks, we sat down last night to plan our trip.

That's where it all went downhill. The conversation went something like this (try to follow):


Me: Okay, so I've got the APSA Conference Sept. 2-5. Then my bridal shower is the evening of the 5th, which is a Sunday. I also have to renew my driver's license, we have to get our marriage license, and Reverend Davies wants us to have dinner with the couple he mentioned during our counseling.... That's going to be a crazy weekend.


Lu: Yeah, and I can't leave Michigan until Sept. 3 -- in the afternoon because of the conference I'm running up here.


Me: I guess it makes the most sense for me to fly out a day ahead of you, and then you could fly to DC that Friday.


Lu: What about Maggie?


Me: Hmmm, I guess I could fly with her. Then maybe leave her with my parents? I don't think I can take her on the Metro, but I don't want my parents to have to pick me up from the airport when I'm a few Metro stops away from my hotel.


Lu: And I'm NOT flying with Maggie. Maggie? On a plane? Without her Mom?! Yeah, right.


Me: Good point. Maggie would go crazy. Maybe I'll drive. We'll have gifts from the bridal shower to take back, and besides, how would I get to the court to get our marriage license without a car?


Lu: We've already done that drive twice this summer. You could probably find someone in your family to take you to the court. Although, it would be cheaper to drive.


Me: Not really -- between gas, tolls, food along the way, and the stress. Not to mention parking in DC. Besides, my grant's paying for my travel, so we only have to pay for one ticket.... Then again, driving might be doable because I could leave my car with my family, and we don't have to be back at school until Sept. 8.


Lu: No, Sept. 7.


Me: Sept. 7? That Tuesday?


Lu: Yeah, that's when classes start. I thought they were the 8th, but I was wrong. 


Me: If you can't fly out until Friday, and we have to leave on Monday.... How are we going to get our marriage license?!


Lu: Maybe we can get it Oct. 15.


Me: The day before the wedding? Really? No.... I'm not dealing with that stress, and I think you have to wait at least 2 days before it's valid anyway.


Lu: So what are we going to do? 


Me: I have no idea. What if we can't get married???


Lu: No, babe. There has to be a way.


Me: That weekend's going to be busy already. Adding parking in DC or flying with Maggie, plus transporting gifts, and waiting at the DMV, and going to dinner, and then there's the conference. What are we going to do?


Lu: I have no idea.

So today we did some research.

It turns out that I can renew my driver's license by mail. I called and had the DMV send me the proper paperwork. Check.


The kennel -- excuse me, PetsHotel -- has space that weekend to board Maggie, and it'd only be $75 for three days. Whereas flying with her would be $75 each way, on top of my parents having to drive all the way to DC or Baltimore to pick her up from the airport. I hate boarding Maggie, but it makes the most sense in this situation.... Besides, they have Doggy Daycamp. :-) Check.

We can ship any gifts that we get at the bridal shower for under $100, unless I get over 125 lbs. worth of stuff; and I highly doubt that. Check.

We're going to call our pastor and ask if we can have dinner with the couple on Sept. 4, which is the day he originally said would be best for them. Check.

As far as the conference, I'll have Wednesday evening, all day Thursday, Friday afternoon, and all day Saturday.... I might go to a few panels Sunday morning, but I don't really feel bad about skipping out early on the last day. Check.

So now comes the marriage license. The part that I avoided.

Scarily enough, it turns out that getting a marriage license in PG County, Maryland is pretty easy.  All I need is a copy of Lu's driver's license, birth certificate, or passport, and some basic information about him. In fact, Lu doesn't even have to be there.... Yeah, I told you it was scary.

I'll have copies of Lu's identification, arrange for someone in my family to pick me up from the airport on Wednesday -- probably my parents because I'm coming in during non-rush hour times when there's still sunlight out. (I love my father but don't trust his vision!) We'll drive straight to the courthouse and the license.

Then I'll spend the night at home on Wednesday, probably letting my mom hold me and getting teary-eyed that I really am getting married. On Thursday morning, I'll ride into the city, check in early at my hotel (Hotel Palomar -- GORGEOUS, not to mention $99/night on Hotwire.com with their "secret deals"), and be at the conference with time to register and make it to the first plenary session. *whew*

.... And as a plan B, I'll Metro out to PG County on Friday morning, and my parents will drive me to the circuit court from there.

Either way, I'll meet Lu that evening, and we'll be in the clear for a hectic but enjoyable weekend!

Read More

Three Words

Invitations... are... done!

I'll recount the process, the pain, and the price next week. But for now, it's nap time.

Read More

Nope, I'm Not Faking It...

... I really am this relaxed.

In the last week, I've had several people comment on how calm I seem to be with the wedding planning process. Everyone's surprised that I was able to put together a wedding that's shaping up to be really beautiful in only a few months.

Since we're admittedly having a short engagement, people assume that everything has to be rushed, stressful, and/or shoddy.... Or that I have a "little secret" (i.e. I'm pregnant).... Or that Jeremy and I actually planned the whole thing last year.

I assure you that none of these scenarios is true.

Don't get me wrong, there were some stressful times in the beginning with finding a place and working out the guest list. However, once we got the ball rolling, things have gone pretty smoothly.

In fact, it's actually been less stressful for me to plan a wedding in a short amount of time without a coordinator than if I had 18 months and someone else running the show. It seems counterintuitive, but it's worked for me for two reasons: 1) I'm indecisive, and 2) I want to know everything that's going on.

I work much better when I have definite deadlines. The closer the deadline, the less time I have to dilly-dally around. With the wedding, I have just enough time to seek out options, make up my mind, and move forward.


As my wedding porn series demonstrates, I get tons of advertisements every day in addition to the books, magazines, websites, etc. that I seek out on my own. If I had 18 months to plan, I would drive myself nuts second-guessing every decision.

As far as having a coordinator, I think they're great for people who aren't detail-oriented or who don't want to be bothered. However, I love details, and I have the time and energy to spend on making sure our wedding reflects Lu and me to a tee.

If I had a coordinator, I'd be hovering over her shoulder all the time wanting copies of every email, transcriptions of every phone conversation, and details about everything that was vetoed. Okay, I probably wouldn't be that extreme, but you get the idea. The coordinator would be extremely annoyed with me because planning weddings is her career, whereas I have no experience. At the same time, not knowing everything would drive me crazy.

I also have three secret weapons: I'm a graduate student with a BlackBerry and a blog. As a student, my schedule is flexible. I can make phone calls and go to appointments during the day when most brides are at work. With my BlackBerry, I can read and respond to emails immediately.

As far as the blog, writing about the things I have to do, would-be stressors, or just what's going through my mind has been really therapeutic. The comments on my posts and the conversations I have with readers are sooo encouraging.

There's nothing like running into someone that I haven't seen in awhile and having them confess, "Hey! How've you been?... Well actually, I already kinda know because I read your blog. Did you guys decide on your honeymoon yet?!"

This type of interaction is much more my style than getting "summaries" from or -- even worse -- having official meetings with a coordinator to go over updates. Some people prefer the formality, but I like to know what's happening, when it's happening, and what needs to be done next.



With that being said, Lu and I are going to have a coordinator the day of the wedding -- two coordinators, actually. I'll put all the plans in place, but I have no problems turning off my phone and letting Lu's aunt and cousin run the show with my sister as an emergency back up. Between those three people, I know that things will go smoothly.

I know some people are reading this and thinking I'm crazy: either for being a control freak or for not sitting back and taking advantage of being a "princess" for a day. However, to be clear, I don't mind assuming the princess position sometimes. I'd be crazy to try to do everything myself. I certainly don't mind asking for help and delegating tasks.

Nonetheless, between the wealth of information available on the internet and DIY stores like Michaels, coordinators don't have the monopoly on the wedding market that they once did. You can find books, websites, and probably an iPhone application that will take you through every step of planning your wedding.

I'm not a control freak or a bridezilla..... I'm just a 21st-century bride who actually likes to dig in and get my hands dirty.



In fact, the only periods of stress that I have are from calming other people down. I think a lot of people buy into the hype that it takes a long time to plan a great wedding.

It really is hard for people to accept that Lu and I have things under control. Someone's always asking, "What about x?" or "Have you thought about y?" or "Don't forget about z!! You did forget... didn't you?"

It's almost like a test to see what we're missing. I have to say that we're passing with flying colors. Every now and then, there's a detail that we have to make a decision about, but we're pretty much solid.

Bottom Line: You don't have to spend over a year planning your wedding, you don't have to hire a coordinator before the wedding day, and it's okay if you're not super-stressed.

With that being said, planning your own wedding is not for the disorganized, the faint of heart, or the people pleasers. If you're the person that forgets to follow-up on emails, isn't ready to be bombarded with questions, or takes everyone's advice and doubts to heart, then planning a wedding will be miserable.

My advice to any bride who is thinking about planning her own wedding is that you really have to make yourself happy. There's not a "right" way to do anything; and if there is one, then there are millions of exceptions to that rule. Find something that works, and run it by a few people who have experience running weddings. If the feedback is overwhelmingly positive, then smile and nod (but ignore, ignore, ignore) the Debbie Downers.... and get some file folders.

Read More

Bouquets, Corsages, and Boutonnieres? Check!

After Lu and I priced a few florists in the DC-area, we found that the cost for 1 bridal bouquet, 6 bridesmaids' bouquets, 2 junior bridesmaid's bouquets, 5 corsages, and 10 boutonnieres would be approximately $900... and that doesn't include flowers for decorating the church or reception centerpieces.

We decided to downgrade from traditional florists to see what grocery stores had to offer. Although the designs were still pretty and the price tag dropped to $500, the professionalism of many grocery store florists left a little to be desired. In addition, the bouquets were dependent on who'd exactly be doing them. Even though it cut the price nearly in half, quality wasn't a risk that I was willing to take.

So I put the florist out of my mind and moved on to tackle some of the other hundreds of items on my to-do list, which took me to Michaels. When one of my bridesmaids, Mrs. R., found out that I was engaged, the first thing she said was, "Michaels and Jo-Ann Fabrics are going to be your new best friends."

She was right! I've been to Michaels more in the last few months, then I've been in my entire life -- well, except when I was in my friendship bracelet stage in elementary school... and my latch hooking stage in high school... and my cross-stitching phase in college. Okay, okay. I'm already quite familiar with Michaels!

Anyway, on one trip, I decided to go through the clearance section and found beautiful artificial flowers in our wedding colors for $2/bunch. Inspired, I grabbed a few bunches, some burgundy ribbon, and some lace ribbon trimmed with pearls -- all on sale. After about half an hour of work and some hot glue gun magic, I had two jr. bridesmaids bouquets that look similar to the the one below for about $5 each.

Swap out the white ribbon for burgundy, add a lace and pearl bow, and you have our jr. bridesmaids' bouquets!

I decided to go back and grab some different flowers for the bridesmaids and myself. After that trip, I was ready to make 9 bouquets for $55 -- less than what the florist quoted me for one bridesmaid bouquet.

With the bouquets squared away, we still had to decide what to do about boutonnieres and corsages. This wasn't a DIY-area that I felt comfortable entering into, so I turned to another new friend: Etsy. If you're not familiar with the website, it's basically an online art fair where people can buy and sell handmade, vintage, and arts and supplies items.

I put up a post describing our wedding theme, colors, and the materials we wanted to use. Then several artists placed bids, and we selected an amazing artist to do our corsages and boutonnieres. We even negotiated a price that cut the total order down by $20 -- not much, but when you're planning, every dollar adds up fast!

The artist was great to work with, making several prototypes of what we envisioned and tweaking each until we had exactly what we wanted:

Boutonnieres for Lu and our fathers

Boutonnieres for the groomsmen and ring bearer

Corsages for the maid of honor, matron of honor, our mothers, and Lu's grandmother

I must admit that I did have some initial hesitations about using artificial flowers -- mostly how they would look and the "stigma" associated with them. Besides, Lu always brings me gorgeous real flowers that I absolutely love. However, then I started thinking...

1) They look gorgeous! (Isn't that the most important part anyway?)

2) My allergies will be kept at bay. Ever seen a bride have a sneezing attack during her wedding because she decided to hold a bunch of flowers two feet from her face during peak allergy season? No? Good -- you won't see that at my wedding either!

3) We don't have to worry about wilting or damage. I'm not the most gentle flower arranger, and the flowers have held up just fine under my shoving, snipping, and bending. Besides, we can take fun pictures like the one below.

4) Everything can be made in advance and brought to the site ourselves.... No day-of surprises about how the florist interpreted my "vision"of what they should look like, delivery charges, or timing concerns.

5) We can pick whatever flowers we want without paying to ship them from some exotic locale.

6) The price can't be beat. Instead of our quoted $500-900, we're getting everything for $158.65 plus a few hours of labor.

7) I'll be able to keep my bouquet forever. :-)

Read More

Elegantly Engraved = Wedding SCAM!!!

I'm writing today pretty upset because Lu and I (almost) got scammed out of our wedding favors.

Lu and I love coffee. In fact, our first date was at a local coffee shop in Ann Arbor, which we revisited on the day that we got engaged. As we started thinking about wedding favors, we came across personalized coffee and cocoa. Perfect!

We checked out a bunch of different websites for the best price and decided to go with a Yahoo Store called Elegantly Engraved.... Horrible idea!

Nearly one month and three emails after placing the order, there was no response from Elegantly Engraved. Of course, the store sent an automatic response when I sent each email letting me know that they would get back to me. This wasn't a huge deal since our wedding isn't until October, but after the third time wasn't a charm, I decided to call. Surprise, surprise -- the phone number was disconnected.

At this point, I googled the company, and the first thing that popped up was complaints about people not receiving their orders. When I looked at the company's contact information page on PayPal, I was forwarded to another page with a different name that looked pretty similar to Elegantly Engraved. Hmmm -- more than a little suspicious.

Luckily the charge was still pending, and I was able to cancel the authorization. Whew!

We'll have to find our personalized coffee and cocoa elsewhere, but my advice to everyone is to google any private company that you go with first. Regardless of how professional the website looks and how prompt and efficient the "customer service" seems initially, put everything on a credit card -- or better yet, PayPal.

Read More

Whirlwind Weekend Recap: Sugar Rush

In my last post, I left off with Lu and me finishing the Bride and Groom Challenge and sucessfully making it to Maryland. Instead of going straight home, we detoured to see our photographer and baker. Since Lu's latest obsession is photography, then I'll leave that post to him. However, since my lifelong obsession is dessert, then I get to share the details about our cake tasting and design.

We arrived at the bakery at about 3:00 pm, a few hours after lunch, and just in time for a late-afternoon sugar fix. Whew! Did we ever get one at Mrs. Oliver's Cakes!

When we walked in the door, we were greeted by Toni, the owner of the bakery and a variety of samples, including: lemon cake with lemon curd filling, chocolate cake filled with coconut, chocolate filled with chocolate buttercream, almond filled with buttercream, red velvet with cream cheese, and butter rum with almond icing.

Just one example of what Mrs. Oliver can do!

After trying to daintily take a forkful of each -- at least I was, Lu was shamelessly enjoying everything -- we got down to details.

I didn't realize how important it was to try to bring everything from the wedding into the cake design. I thought it'd be a matter of just selecting colors and a design that looks cool. Of course, you can select a cake that way, but it's fun to pull in the parts you want to highlight.

In addition to talking about cake flavors and round vs. square layers, we really sat down and discussed a way to make our cake be a mini, edible representation of our wedding. I brought in fabric swatches of the bridesmaids and junior bridesmaids dresses with me, as well as a sample bouquet with our flower colors. I'd also emailed Toni the previous week with our inspiration board and pictures of my dress.

To summarize what we came up with in one sentence: I'm in love with our cake.

The cake is going to be covered in yellow fondant with rouching to complement my wedding dress. The rouching will be joined with edible brooches to pull in the vintage theme. Our "topper" will be a cluster of burgundy, yellow, and orange sugar flowers, and there will also be a few flowers on each of the three layers. The base of each layer will have a white fondant "ribbon" around it, dotted with fondant pearls. Finally, if it doesn't look too busy, there will be a lace pattern (similar to the one below, also in the fondant) in the background.

The cake will look almost too good to eat, but wait until you hear about the flavors we selected:

Bottom Layer: Lemon Cake with Raspberry Filling
Middle Layer: Red Velvet Cake with Cream Cheese Filling
Top Layer: Chocolate Cake with Kahlua Filling

It's going to be absolutely delicious! I was a bit worried about the fondant taking away from the flavor. After all, most fondant tastes like play-doh. (Who cares how pretty the cake is if it tastes like something you ate when you were in first grade?!) However, Toni was adamant that the fondant that she uses actually blends into the cake. Still skeptical, she let us sample the fondant with the cake, and she was right! Instead of play-doh, the fondant tastes more like marshmallows. Yuummmmm!!!

Maybe we'll start a new wedding tradition by eating the cake first....

Read More

Whirlwind Weekend

It's almost been a week since we've written, but what a week it's been! Lu and I left to go to Maryland last Thursday and just walked in the door after an 11-hour drive.... Gotta love DC-area traffic.

Anyway, we'll be updating you soon with lots of details about everything we've done in the last six days but to give you a preview, here's some of the things we'll discuss:

-- Finding out just how well we know each other: road trip/multiple-choice style
-- Meeting our photographer
-- Picking out our cake
-- Leaving behind my "old life"
-- Visiting the church, reception venue, and the hotels where we blocked off rooms
-- Our engagement party (the first surprise party I've ever had -- kudos to Lu and our amazing families!)
-- Picking out our linens
-- Our first face-to-face counseling session with the pastor of my home church. (We'd been using Skype.)
-- Discussing bridal shower, bachelor/bachelorette parties, and wedding weekend logistics with our families and bridal party
-- Getting my mother's dress
-- Wine-tasting for the reception
-- Choosing our wedding soundtrack

.... I told y'all we were busy! Off to bed for me right now, but expect lots of fun posts in the next few weeks. Any topics that you want to hear about more than others??

Read More

Venue Report Card: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

Although we're not allowed to get too far into wedding planning, our counselors understand that getting married in a different state requires a bit of forethought and allowed us to set up meetings to visit different reception facilities on our upcoming trip to Maryland.

It turns out that we didn't even have to go through the entire process because there was only one venue that fit all of our seemingly-simple criteria: beautiful location (bonus points if it fit the vintage theme), great staff, reasonable price (under $10,000), and ability to work with a bride and groom 600 miles away!

This is my account of my best and worst experiences. Keep in mind, this is what I experienced simply trying to request more information and set up appointments. Imagine what the wedding planning process would be like -- for better or for worse!

Herrington Harbor (Grade: D-)

The Good: I was really a huge fan of Herrington... at first. The location is gorgeous. Not only does it overlook the Chesapeake Bay, but it also has two ceremony/reception sites. One is secluded and can hold up to 500 people, while the other is more traditional for up to 175 guests. When I called, the coordinators seemed really flexible. They wanted to hear about what I wanted and promised that they could work with me to create a day that I would remember. There's also on-site lodging for out-of-town guests, and the whole harbor prides itself on being eco-friendly.

Polynesian Bridal Lawn at Herrington

The Bad: It's pretty much a wedding factory. Sure, they have every wedding-related thing you could ask for, but that's partly because they can have (at least) four weddings there on a single day. Even in the initial conversation the vibe switched back and forth from "it's your special day" to "it's just a typical day for us." With that being said, you pay a price for deviating from their unwritten rules. There's an up-charge for everything and little room for negotiation, especially on price. Quite frankly, they know that they're one of the few really beautiful spots for large receptions in Southern Maryland, and they charge you a high price for it.

In addition, it's a bit off the beaten path. While it's fine for Southern MD natives, guests might have a tough time navigating the winding back roads -- and if they had even a little alcohol in their system it could be a recipe for disaster.

The Ugly: Once I mentioned our ideal reception budget ($10,000 or less), the person that I was working with went from friendly and chatty to a cold, super-snob. She stopped returning my emails and phone calls. She dismissed my ideas for saving money. (I suggested that we could have an hors d'oeuvres and dessert reception, instead of a full meal. I also asked about having it on a Sunday or Friday night.) She literally scoffed at the idea that we could have a nice reception for 150 people for less than $15,000 and patronizingly told me that it's more "realistic" to expect to spend $20-25K once you add in taxes, gratuities, labor, etc.

Like I said, I was a huge fan of Herrington and really wanted it to work. However, I had to just give up when she said, "Dear, you can't possssibly have Herrington quality for less than $75/person. Have you considered the American Legion?"

Really?! She better be lucky I'm saved.

Running Hare Vineyard (Grade: C+)

The Good: They have a unique concept. I'm pretty sure that no other vineyard in Southern Maryland has a reception hall, much less one with a pretty authentic Tuscany theme that can hold 260 guests. The event coordinator was extremely responsive, and all of the rental details are spelled out in plain English -- no hidden charges, extra taxes, or fine print.

This Running Hare Vineyard bride is obviously Claritin clear.

The Bad: Regardless of your guest list, there's a minimum number of cases of wine that you have to buy. At a price of $180-260 per case of 12, that can definitely add up fast. While we expected this, we don't have many big drinkers. Each person would pretty much have had their own personal bottle. Since the concept is unique, the price is steep -- nearly $5,000 just for the facility.

Also, there's another personal problem that has nothing to do with the vineyard, all that grass would wreak havoc on my allergies.

The Ugly: They don't focus exclusively or primarily on events, so they only have one spot open each week that books fast. They're almost completely booked for 2010 and already have limited availability in 2011. *yikes*

Chesapeake Beach Resort and Spa (Grade: B)

The Good: This is another gorgeous facility that overlooks the Chesapeake Bay, and the food is catered by the best seafood restaurant in Calvert County, Rod 'N Reel. (The Sunday Brunch?! Yummm.) The resort also has onsite lodging for guests and is accessible to all sorts of shops and things to do in Chesapeake Beach and North Beach. There's even a little trolley bus that will take you to some of the best spots.

They're really flexible to different types of wedding and reception styles and have a number of options and ideas to choose from, including plated or buffet dinner, fun food stations, or even brunch. On top of that, they have a wedding package that includes open bar, champagne toast, fruit and cheese display, and valet parking. The wedding coordinator is experienced and personable. She's been directing weddings for decades, but she still has the genuine excitement of someone just starting out in the business.

You better not be scared of water if you're getting married at Chesapeake Beach Resort and Spa!

The Bad: It's a bit smaller than advertised. Supposedly, they can hold up to 250 people for receptions but that would totally eliminate the dance floor. The prices are also deceiving because everything is a la carte, so you might pay $60/person for the wedding package, but you have to add on the $2500 facility rental, the $1500 ceremony site fee, $5-12/piece for any hors d'oeuvres, the whopping 20% service charge on food and beverages, and taxes.

Furthermore, they do two weddings a day. The times seem spaced out enough, but the morning/afternoon wedding reception could be a bit rushed. The permanent decorations are also a bit cheesy -- okay, now I'm getting picky.

Finally, the wedding coordinator prefers phone over email. Not the worst thing in the world and some brides may even like that, but I'm a multi-tasker and chit-chatting on the phone doesn't always work the best with my schedule.

The Ugly: There's pretty much no rain plan for large wedding ceremonies. If you have a small wedding, then you get moved inside. However, if you have a large wedding, then the wedding is moved to underneath the archway that connects the hotel and the restaurant. If there's a light rain, with no wind, and nobody decides to enter or leave the facility during your ceremony, then you'd be fine. If not....

Hall at Huntingtown (Grade: A-)

The Good: It has a recently-renovated ballroom with neutral colors that can hold up to 275 people and still have room for a dance floor. There's also a responsive and personable events coordinator, who gave me her personal cell phone number right away. Most wedding reception venues don't have many AV options, but the tech set-up here is great with a television in each corner, wired microphones, and a modern multimedia system.

There are also personal touches that are nice for the bride and the guests, including a bridal lounge, a coatroom, and different types of tables provided for you to completely customize your reception layout. Furthermore, they only do one event each day.

Most importantly, you have options. The Hall at Huntingtown doesn't work with one exclusive caterer, so you can negotiate pricing and catering packages, you can decorate as much or as little as you want, and there's never any pressure to upgrade anything. And did I mention that the price is great?!

Simple elegance at the Hall at Huntingtown.

The Bad: Since they have so much going for them, they also book fast. However, the events director is great about keeping you updated about cancellations and time changes. In addition, there's the flip side of the options part that I mentioned. You have to coordinate with all of the vendors yourself. There are preferred vendors, but there's no package to even give you a frame of reference for where to start.

The Ugly: If you're from Calvert County, the name won't fool you. It's basically the local fire hall. It's renovated, it's great, but... it's the fire hall. It can get annoying when you tell people that you're thinking about having your wedding reception at the Hall at Huntingtown and their first response is, "Huh? You mean the fire station?"

Although, you do get photo ops with firetrucks, so that's maybe not so ugly after all.

Soooo after all of that, we decided to go with... none of these places. I'll write about which venue got an "A" grade, not to mention our security deposit, in my next post.

Read More

When "Whatever you want, Dear" doesn't cut it: A groom's guide to wedding planning

So if you've read my first post or my second, you should already know that I'm not the type of guy to take a backseat on this journey to marriage. In fact, when I'm not in the passenger seat providing the navigation, I even enjoy getting behind the wheel and giving it a go myself. Needless to say, the same holds true when it comes to making wedding plans.

Although I would love to pretend that I'm the type of guy to just sit back and let Val do everything herself, the reality is, I'm not. If this marriage is about coming together as a team to accomplish the things we can't do by ourselves, then our first scrimmage match is the wedding. If I step on the court not knowing how to dribble or shoot, we might as well forfeit. As Val's sister so eloquently put it "This is his day, too" so I should be able to have some say in what it looks like.

Before going any further, let me clarify. I am in no sense a "groomzilla" nor do I desire to have everything my way.

I'm a big picture person and play to that strength, while letting Val do what she does best: handle the details. The reality is, deciding between pumpkin orange and burnt orange, lanterns and candelabras, or white and ivory shirts is not my specialty. In fact, dealing with these details often causes intense unnecessary stress and frustration -- so much so that I can become apathetic to the decision all together.

Now, if I were to approach the decision from a more global perspective (ivory shirts clash with a white dress, pumpkin orange can make things look to "halloweeny", and all the centerpieces don't have to be identical), the decision is easy: white shirts, burnt orange, and a mix of lanterns and candles.  

Despite my apprehension to details, I know it wouldn't be fair to make Val handle every detail on her own. Even though she thrives in details, they can be overwhelming. And it's not like she just has tons of free time on her hands. She's a graduate student past the point of taking classes. Every hour she's awake, she could and should be devoted to making progress towards finishing. So I try to help out wherever I can, be it contacting a vendor, googling pictures of cakes I like, learning Adobe Illustrator for our DIY projects, or registering for Michaels email coupon offers. Okay, the last Michael's coupons were Val's idea.

Back to my team analogy...we're more like tag-team partners. While we're each fully capable of handling business on our own, two is better than one. So whenever one of us is overwhelmed or overworked all we have to do is reach out a hand and tag the other person in. 

Sometimes though, we're both needed in the ring at the same time; and it's not as simple as checking off items on her "honey do" list. For example, the guest list -- while still not in it's final draft -- has gone through many, many revisions. It's required respect for each other's wishes and the ability to compromise.

Another, more fun, example of something that we have to do together is cake tasting. I am really looking forward to this part of the planning. Come on, who doesn't get excited about tasting every variety of cake and fillings a baker has to offer.

So I guess all of this is to say, as a groom, you shouldn't be afraid to have an opinion about the wedding. Yeah, I know everyone says "It's her day, she's walking down the aisle," but the reality is she's walking down the aisle to meet you. Most women might have an idea of what they want, but they haven't thought of every, single detail before they get engaged-- at least I hope not, that's a little scary. Even if they have, then they still need help making it come together.

And regardless of what flowers you choose, dress colors you decide on, cake topper you go with, tux you choose, centerpiece you like, or gifts you give your attendants, the day is about you and your bride. Nothing should change that, and every decision you make should only enhance the sense of euphoria you both feel.

So without further ado here are my Top 10 tips for any groom tired of just saying, "Whatever you want, Dear":

1. Accept the fact that it's okay for you to have an opinion. You might not have thought about everything the way that she has or as long as she has, but you don't have to play into the uninterested groom stereotype.
2. Inform your bride of your newly-discovered opinions. More often than not, she will appreciate your contributions.
3. Ask her, "How can I help?"and mean it. Be willing to help how and where she needs you to pitch in.
4. Don't take over. Despite my attempt to equalize things, the day is still more about her than you.
5. When she's stressed out and frustrated, reach out your hand so she can tag you in.
6. Choose one thing that you aren't willing to compromise on (i.e. church, limo, tux, etc.). There will be something, and you should put it out there early in the process.
7. Once you've told her the one thing that you have to have, be willing to compromise on everything else.
8. Play to your strengths. You don't have to pick out flowers and put together favors. (That's what her bridesmaids are for.) If you like music, find the band. If you're good with money, handle the budget.
9. Be open. I'm actually developing somewhat of an appreciation for stores like Michaels.
10. Support her. You're in this together, don't wait till the wedding day to be her rock. Start now.  

Read More