harsh

You might be offended today, but I have to get this off my chest:

The Taliban, who thinks it's righteous and holy to shoot a teenaged girl for pursuing her education, should be castrated in boiling acid.  One prick at a time.  Until they're all wiped out.  You can judge a tree by it's fruit, or nuts in their case.  No civil society should allow room for that kind of behavior.

Equally offensive thoughts in my head:

I totally judged you when I passed you in your yard yesterday, overweight man with cigarette in one hand and electric leaf blower in the other. 

Why does every tailgater seem to drive an SUV?  There must be something awfully empowering about driving such a vehicle that makes a person have NO SENSE OF FEAR, since they feel safe driving two feet from my rear bumper at 60-70 MPH.  People, you never see anyone tailgating in a Buick.  Just my personal observation. 

Food for thought, tailgaters:  I'm driving an 8 year old dented tan Momvan slightly above the posted speed limit.  If I can't see YOUR front grille in my rear view window, there's very little preventing me from braking hard and fast and there's very little space for you to react to avoid rear-ending me.  What do I have to lose? 

On Halloween costumes.  Boys can look scary, brave, bold, supernatural, super-powered, armed, professional, silly and/or creative.  Apparently girls have two options: princess and slutty.  Don't believe me?  Check out any Halloween costume ad and you'll see what I mean.  Total sexist crap, IMHO.  I'm not the only one feeling this way.

Finally, and this last one just irritates the hell out of me.  In karate we do various drills.  Last night's involved kicking (hard) in various ways, then doing lunges to the back wall and back to do the next series of kicks.  The first people done are usually slackers, sissy-tapping the body shields and striding instead of lunging across the floor.  Also, the first people done are usually kids.  The last people done usually did it right, which takes more time and effort.  They're also usually adults.  Anyway, as one of the last ones done, I have to listen to all the pipsqueak brats cheer me on.  "You can do it, Ms. W!  Come on!  You're almost done!"  As if I require their encouragement to finish.  As if they finished first and have the right to cheer for me coming in behind them.  As if they finished ahead of me because they're better and faster, and gee, why don't I catch up?  I want to stop and scream at them, "Listen you little punks, if you'd have done this drill correctly, you'd still be doing it and you'd actually be sweating and out of breath instead of yelling at me to 'Finish strong'!"  But that probably wouldn't settle well with their parents, would it?

Okay, I'll leave you with this link, which is a riot if you're an NFL fan.  If you're not, go in peace.  I'll be back tomorrow spouting rainbows, sparkles and happy thoughts.

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if you used a pensieve on me today...

here's what you'd find in my mind:

Having an ice and water dispenser in the door of one's refrigerator is a marvelous thing.

I do wish the Colts well--I am nurturing a fantasy where Peyton becomes either a TV sportscaster or a coach. It will seem so odd seeing him play for any other team. And if he plays for the Seahawks, well, that would open a new can of worms for this particular NFL fan. If he must keep playing, I'd prefer he play for a team I already pay attention to.

A robin outside my window! Sweet springtime is here!

After delivering campaign signs hither, thither and yon today, I should really bake a treat for Team Testosterone and their pals who are spending the night. Especially since dinner will be a boring meal of grilled cheese sandwiches because it is Lent and 3/7 of the people at the table are Catholic.

Level Up is one of the shows Team Testosterone watches together--I sat on my bed last night and for the first time watched it with them. It was more intelligent than I expected and I kind of liked it. Sometimes when they talk to each other, it's tough to understand, so I have to keep up with this sort of stuff.

Sarah sent me a link for leprechaun traps. The boys have decided to make all of the traps. I need to figure out how to make wee green hats for the "leprechauns" to leave behind...

Hangover II was perfectly dreadful. If you must watch it, rent it.

Yesterday somebody told me that I'd get a lot of votes for school board since I'm a woman. I replied that should be my slogan, "Vote for Estrogen and Experience!" Actually, if I lived in a more liberal community, I think it would play well. (Although the women in this town are more progressive than they seem at first glance--especially the older ones.)

Next week I have 2 book events and I'm torn between getting a haircut and waiting until after the events to get a haircut. I'm getting long and shaggy--it's not out of hand, nothing a little effort can't make look presentable--but a fresh cut might make me look better. The conundrums a not-so-very-famous-writer faces.

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hating on fall

A bunch of you asked about my harsh feelings towards autumn--the season of scarecrows, pumpkins, spiced cider and colorful leaves. What's to hate about it? I'll tell you what's to hate about it.

For starters, I'm Green Girl in Wisconsin and in my state fall leads to winter--5 months of bitter cold, slush, ice, snow and misery. We're shut inside for half the year, struggling through knee-deep snow as we navigate our daily lives, bundling up to head out, stripping layers to return indoors. Our cars are cold and start hard, our recycling bins get frozen into snowbanks, we live like rodents in hours of darkness with short days and long nights. The simplest tasks--going to the store for a gallon of milk, retrieving the mail, walking the dog--become Major Endeavors when the temps dip below zero and the roads turn slippery. Winter's a massive pain in the ass and fall means it's coming.

If that's not enough of a reason, fall's also a season of death. Those crisp days mean crisp plants. I'm always watching the weather forecast and deciding whether to water and cover my vegetables to eke a few more weeks out of the harvest OR dig the works up. Inevitably, the years I dig up my garden and give up, the fall weather becomes balmy and warm. Fall's a total crap-shoot, a gardening gamble that makes this girl crabby. Fall means the end of flavorful tomatoes and crunchy cucumbers.

Of course, since I garden, fall means the death of all the flowers, too. Sure, we've got the bright mums and asters, but it's a last hurrah before the petals and leaves turn black and decompose.

Fall means the start of school, the end of lazy August days floating in the pool and staying up late. It means rushing around, sticking to the schedule and homework. Fall means layering sweaters, wearing socks and digging in the cupboard for gloves and hats.

There you have it, reader. Fall bites--I'd take spring and summer all year long if I could. You can argue all you want about pretty colors, handknit scarves, football, apples and the rest of it. This gal prefers daffodils and sunshine, the promise of new life and fresh starts.

My instincts are to flee or hibernate when fall arrives. I think the geese have the right idea--fly to warmer climates and wait it out. Or the bears--eat a ton of food and hunker down to sleep through winter.

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5 fast film reviews: what to rent, buy, skip over in the DVD aisle

My sons have reached the age where going to the movies is a lot of fun. They behave beautifully in public, our schedule allows time to hit the occasional matinee, and because I don't have child care expenses (Mr. T can babysit!) I've got spare cash for tickets and popcorn. We've got a drive-in movie theater where admission is $6/adult and $2/kid and a local theater has $2 seats on weekday mornings. Team Testosterone took advantage. So, in case you didn't get to the movies this summer, here's what you did and didn't miss:



The Zookeeper: Confession: I have a thing for Kevin James. He reminds me of my favorite ex-boyfriend, so this review skews positively. The kids loved the animals and while some of the voices and jokes were annoying, the gorilla alone made the movie awesome (especially when the zookeeper takes the gorilla out for a night on the town and they hit the local Applebees). The story got more about the human romance factor and less about the animals towards the end, but it was genuinely sweet and had a good message about being true to yourself. Definitely rent-worthy.



Kung Fu Panda II: Will become legendary in its awesomeness. All the big stars came back, fresh villains (a nasty-ass peacock), plot threads picked up where the original left off, battle scenes galore. The cinematography was phenomenal in Po's memories of his childhood. This sequel grows all the characters and doesn't stoop to cliche. Unlike many kids' movie themes, this one got heavy at the end with an honest and brilliant message about forgiveness and mercy. Best part? The final scenes leaves the door open for another sequel! Buy it, you'll want to watch it over and over.



Mr. Popper's Penguins: Overall, a cute movie in the tradition of Disney family films involving wacky animals and misguided humans. I enjoyed the casting except for the title role. Jim Carrey irritates the hell out of me--if he'd play it straight (like in The Truman Show) and quit overperforming like a hyperactive fourth grader desperate for attention, I'd have liked this film more. Rent it, once is enough.



Smurfs: On a scale of Fred: The Movie and Finding Nemo, this ranks one step above Fred. Neil Patrick Harris was the only saving grace, mainly because he said all the things I was thinking, like "Doesn't that song get annoying?" I cannot defend my Secret Gay Boyfriend in this film. There is no defense for this movie. I didn't like smurfs when I was a child and the translation to the big screen left me feeling smurfed off. Skip it.



Cowboys & Aliens: As action concepts go, this was entertaining mainly because it involved cowboys in this mismatched battle for the Earth. That plus great casting (seriously, Daniel Craig as a cowboy is genius!), some innovative plot threads and the gritty feel of the film quality made this a better movie than I expected. Rent it if you're in the mood for action without superheroes.



Now it's your turn. Spill it, reader. What summer movie rocked your world this year?

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